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wow i havent written in this thing in a MINUTE. well..i think last time i said i was about to go to cancun. well guess what, i went and now im home :(. it was the most amazing time of my life. a week later, and im still depressed cuz im home. it was totally different than i had expected, but better, i think. first thing, it was soo safe, i didnt feel unsafe anywhere i went. just stay with a lot of people and you';; be strait! hmmm my favorite place i think was senor frogs, although the booze cruise was pretty cool too. the bar hopping tour would have been better if i wasnt stuck with anorexia the whole time! AHH
hmm..well lets see..of course, as everyone predicted, i met a guy down there. i like him alot. haha and although everyone seems to not believe me, i am still talking to him (which is good for me) and i actually saw him on friday. i was really excited, but sad that i had to leave him again :(
i didnt really do anything this weekend at all..i have a feeling i am going to become really close to ashleigh and carrie becasue now i know how they feel about how they just dont wanna go out anymore. nothing can comprae to cancun, and drinking just doesnt do it for me anymore, i dont know what is wrong with me:( AHH
umm but who knows next weekend could be different, plus this weekend i still wasnt caught up on my sleep.
I have a lot of homework to do tonight. i finished math already with kev and mike, and then we went to DQ and who did i see oh none other than...well...u dont need to know, but it was very awkward and i am not a fan.
I didnt end up getting anything, which is very strange of me. but it is like 75 degrees out and so nice, i was just reading naked economics outside, but then i got bored. i am just waiting to eat and then ill look up the great gatsby, finishing reading econ, and be done with it. i think sometime this week im gunna go downtown and go to the library to start researching my research paper. okay now that i just typed about stupid ass shit, im gunna leave. im gunna try to start this shit back up on a regular basis
oh yea i forgot. i really love my friends and shit and i have realized that a lot lately, but i cannot wait to go to college, i mean i need to go RIGHT NOW. i want to meet new poeple and just this is all so repetitive. so yea not that i dont love you ALL i just need a change..PEACE
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Saturday, March 26th, 2005
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| Subject: | hehe |
| Time: | 2:40 pm. |
| Mood: |  excited. | | Music: | girlfight - some chick. |
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CANCUN TOMORROW WHAT WHAT...thats all i have to say becasue nothing else phases me, i dont care about shit!
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First question <|
What time is it? 9:07 p.m
|> BG Info <|
Name: Rachael Kelley
nickname: Rai
Gender: Female
Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
Birthplace: Evergreen Park, IL
Current residence: Flossmoor, IL
Righty or lefty: Righty
|> Appearance <|
Height: 5'5
Hair Color: brown with an added tint of red..haha
Eye Color: hazel
Long or Short Hair?: short
Body piercings: 5 on each ear..
Tatoos: nope
Best physical feature: hmm...eyes maybe, i donno
**************************
For the opposite sex
**************************
Best eye color: i really dont care, blue is extremely attractive but it dont matte
Best hair color: blond or brown, dont matter
Long or short hair: kinda shaggy
Taller or shorter: taller..but not by much
|> Current... <|
Mood: bored
Music: none
Hair: up in a very very messy short ponytail
Clothes on: blue abercrombie sweatshirt, and abercrombie sleep pants
Smell: nothing
Fears: needles
PC windows open: america online, aol instant messanger
Desktop Background: picture of me getting crunked
Book: the great gatsby, not by choice
CD in CD player/stereo: i dont know...
Hate: people who lack common sense
Job: stupid hostess at fresh starts
Buddies on buddy list: hmm whats 93, plus 5, plus 5, plus 81, plus 4, plus 12...yes i have different catagories
Weather outside: i donno, dark
School: Homewood-Flossmoor High School
Siblings: 4..
Instrument you play: none
Sports you play: hah. yea right
|> Favorites <|
Band/Artist: hmm i dont really have a favorite, but i would say rascal flatts.
Celeb: boy: ???
girl: ???
Candy: reeses
Clothes to wear: my hollister jeans and a polo with the color popped...im so lame
Season: summer
Dressing: Ranch
Shampoo: whatever my mom buys me
Website(s): myspace.com
Subject(s): calculus!
Music: anything really...
Gum: blue orbit
TV Show(s): OC and one tree hill...
Movie(s): a lot, garden state, saw, love and basketball, anchorman, zoolander
Sport(s): basketball
Color(s): baby blue
Crayon color: i donno??
CD(s): rascall flatts, and then all i have really are mixes
Number(s): 3,7,37,73,3773,etc...
Ice Cream: chocolate fudge and bananas
Perfume: anything.
Quote(s): "It's funny. Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
Song(s): beautiful soul haha im a dork, god must have spent a lil more tme on you, phat rabbit, a long december
|> Last.. <|
.thing you read: my econ book
.thing you saw in the movies: the ring 2
.thing you had to drink: water
.thing you ate: ice cream from DQ
.time you showered: this morning
.time brushed your teeth: before the mall..so like 11ish
.person you talked to on the phone: Ashleigh
.CD you listened to: a mix from '03
.CD you bought: ciara
.concert you went to: oh gosh i dont even know...
.thing you said: um. later maybe i dont remember..
.time you went to the mall: today!
.person you hit: prolly megan
.time you cleaned your room: last week or something
.person you thought about: do i have to say??
.thing you saw on TV: some game last night
.time you threw up: my birthday weekend
.time you had a nightmare: i dont remmeber, not for a while
.you hurt yourself: today i hit my head on the counter
.time you said you were sorry: tonight, becasue someone called me apologizing so i felt i had to apologize too
|> Do you believe..<|
.there's life on other planets: has to be
.in astrology: yea
.in magic: maybe
.in God: i donno
.in yourself: i donno??
.in heaven: yea
.in hell: i donno
.in ghosts: yea
.in long relationships: i know they exsist, i just havent had one yet
.in life after death: yea
.in santa: nope
.in tooth fairy: no
|> Relationships <|
Do you have a crush: yea
Do you have a girl/boyfriend: nope
If so then who: lets not rub it in..
Ever had a bf/gf: yeah
Ever been in love: i dont think so, with my friends, yea but thats different
Believe in love at first site: not love, lust at first site
Believe in "the one": oh yea, thats the only way i feel better is i tell myself i havent found him yet
Loved someone so much that you cried: i dont know..ive cried, not cuz i loved them though
Turn-ons: being able to be comfortable with me
Turn-offs: driving skills..ew
Ever cheated on anyone: yea
Someone cheat on you: yea
|> This or that <|
Pepsi or Coke: DIET coke
McDonalds or BK: oh burger king
Laptop or desktop: desktop
Adidas or Nike: nike
Slow or Fast paced dancing: fast...i love me some dance parties
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chololate
Cappucino or Coffee: Coffee
Boxers or Briefs/Pantees or Thongs: thongs
Hot or cold: hot
Blue or red: blue
Rain or snow: rain
Give or receive: receive
Wool or cotton: cotton
Rose or daisy: rose
Poem or rose: rose
Private or Public school: public for sure
Chocolate or regular milk: ew neither
Club or house party: i donno ...talk to me in 2 weeks
Tea or coffee: coffee
Cats or dogs: neither, ew
Day or night: Night
Diamonds or pearls: diamonds..hella
Disney or WB: Disney
Pencils or pens: pens
Gold or silver: silver
Kissing or hugging: kissing
Land, sea, or air: sea
Love or lust: love
Smiling or laughing: laughing
PS2, Gamecube, or XBOX: ps2
Truth or Dare: dare
|> Past 2 weeks, did you.. <|
Drink: yes
Smoke: yes
Do a drug: no
Take medication: yes
Made out: no :(
Go to the mall: yes
Eat sushi: no
Make homemade cookies: no
Dyed your hair: actually, yes
Get beaten up: no
Cry: yes
Buy something: yeah
Sing: yes
Kiss someone or someone kiss you on the lips: no :(
Fight with your parents: yea
Fight with one of your friends: not a real fight
Miss someone: yes
Hugged someone: yes
Dream about someone you love: like..yes
Go to a party: yes
Go perform in front of people: no
Get into a car accident: no
Stay home on a Saturday Night: last night..woo hoo
Have a serious talk: umm..yea, chloes house..with the girls
Get a present: umm yes actually today
Swear: hell yea mother fuckers
|> Yes or no + comments<|
Smoke: yes
Do Drugs: i will..just weed, fuck everything else
Have sex: umm about that
Have a dream that comes back: yes
Read the newspaper: yes
Like the taste of alcohol: yes
Have gay/lesbian friends: yea
Do well in school: yes
Plan to go to college: U of A bitches
Wear hats: no
Hate yourself: yes
Have an obsession: yes!!
Collect anything for a hobby: no
Wish on stars: yes
Like youre handwriting: no
Care about looks: yes
Want to get married: yeah
Type without looking at the keyboard: yeah
Get motion sickness: no
Think your attractive: im fine with myself
Get along with your parents: sometimes
Like to give backrubs: no, i like getting them
Like to give hugs: yes
Take walks in the rain: yes
Curse a lot: yes
Have a lava lamp: no
Sing in the shower: yes
Fired a gun: no
|> Family & Friends <|
Want to have a family: yeah
How many kids do you want: 4-7
Name of children: mackenzie, melanie, april, deryck, drew, justyn
people who mean the most to you now: meghan and ashleigh
People who know you the most: chloe. maybe not so much anymore, but did
People who make you laugh a lot: all my friends
People you can trust your life to: umm...wow. my mom
Weirdest person you know: me. honeslty.
Smartest person you know: jayne
Craziest person you know: me, im psycho duh
|> Complete this sentence.. <|
I always..: wish i was somewhere else
I feel like..: sleeping
I dislike..: when people are stupid
I love/like..: driving and singing at 11 o clock with ashleigh
I see myself as..: a mentor..no
I want..: a boyfriend
I'll always regret..: losing chloe
I'll always remember..: high school
I'll never forget..: my trip to italy
If I had a week to live, then..: id do everything ive ever wanted??
My meaning of life is..: to see where it takes you
|> Others <|
What should you be doing?: reading and doing my film notebook..
What's your overused phrase online?: i have no idea
What your thoughts when you first wake up?: another fucking day...
When do you go to bed?: 10 or 11
What you do last summer?: went to italy
Ever been out of the country?: italy
Worst habit: smoke
What gets you mad?: people being stupid
Happiest moment this year: in 2005 so far...when i was in arizona
Saddest moment this year: everything that has happened
Where do you want to go if you have the power to go anywhere?: far far away
Do you pray?: no
Goals/Ambitions in life: life it to the fullest
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so we definitely have 4 more days of school left till spring break. but that doesnt mean im not going to be stressed out as hell...well at least until next sunday when ill be on a plane on my way to cancun..which will hopefully be one of the most fun vactations i go to..i cant wait, there are 17 of us going all together, its going to be amazing. i went shopping today and got just some lil stuff ya know..like a few pairs of shoes, some pants, some capris, a skirt, and some shirts...okay maybe it wasnt lil stuff, but what can i say, shopping is something i do very well..and it makes me feel better..especially since i didnt go out all weekend. okay thats a lie, i went out, but i was home by 11 every night. friday i saw the ring 2...not good. after that i went and got my traigis pierced. okay thats not what its called, but i cant remember the name, its that lil thing like inside cartlidge thing ya know, well if you dotn know what im talking about, when you see me ill show you. anyway then we went to my love kwas' house. i only stayed for a lil though cuz i was driving and i dont drink and drive anymore..apparently its bad. haha jk i knew that. anyway so saturday i did hella calculus homework, because i have so much due the day after break, and i dont think ill get much done in cancun...so then i worked last night, and stopped by matts house. i lil walked in, went out and ahad a cig, and then left. it was pointless. i fell asleep by 11, but woke up at like 2 with 9 missec calls and 7 voice mails. they were the most random people but it made me laugh..esp the one from domo :) thanx nicole.
so yea went to the mall, as i said, today. i love the mall. haha and well now we have four days of school left, and 2 more days of work till i leave. i dont have to work wed, which is awesome. so ill be able to work on hella work that i have to do by the week after break. god damn AP classes...i thought i was a second semester senior...and now im doing more work than ever!! its okay though, i need to get my mind off other stupid stuff.
friends are good right now, i dont have any complaints. i mean we all get along one way or another, so its strait. and boy life..lets not even go there. lets just say that ill take what i can get...but i cant wait forever :)
okee dokee im out, i gotta go to stupid stupid church. but its strait, more time to think. PEACE
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Saturday, March 19th, 2005
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okay so its kinda weird...im not in a bad mood, but every lil thing that annoys me is making me go crazy. just stupid stuff too. i dont know if its becasue im just really stressed out about all my work i have to do in the next few weeks, or i have no idea what it is actually. but i dont even want to go out!! i was home at 1030 last night, thats hella early and i just really dont care, there is noone iwant to see, and nothing in particular that i want to do. also, im saving my energy up for cancun which is in...8 days!!
also, people in general just really annoy me. im over all stupid stupid drama, but theres just some people who im like get over urself, noone is better than anyone else unless the suppossed inferior person thinks so. but thats not gunna happen so why cant everyone just realize that were all living our lives, and we all have a lot more problems a lot more important than who doesnt like who and who wants to beat so and sos ass, not the extremem with girls, but you catch my drift.
people are just so stupid sometimes, and that is why i am so ready to leave here. dont get me wrong im not saying im not stupid either, cuz i am just as much as anyone, i just cant take some people and i dont know what im gunna do with myself.
AHHH
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| Subject: | AHH |
| Time: | 5:29 pm. |
| Mood: |  tired. | | Music: | gavin degraw - chariot. |
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Wow. i cant believe it is already almost 5:30...i have done absolutely nothing at all today! i am still in my pajamas, and i feel like shit! i dont know why, i was actually sober last night :) but i have a really bad cough...and im sure it doesnt help that i fill my lungs with tar everyday. but whats a girl to do haha anyway.
screw boys, he doesnt deserve me.
thats the only thing ill talk about boys today.
I wonder if ill get a prom date. and if not, who will i make take me?? im sure i can find SOMEONE. if not ill just go up to the cottage while everyone is dancing the night away and just get wasted by myself..hmm can we say alcoholic. haha.
cancun is SOOO soon. after today its 19 days away. i mean wow we're in the teens here. I still have to go a lil more shopping for it, even though i dont know why, ill just be stealing everyone else's clothes. and i wont remember what i wore the night before anyway haha. :) CANT WAIT
i also cannot wait for arizona. i mean school. i mean college. i mean WOW. haha its kinda funny that im excited for GETTING AWAY. not that i dont love it here or anything...cough cough
but yea lets see. havent done anything ALL day as i said. last night i ate SO much at olive graden for chloes and courtneys birthday, it was SO good. and then we had such good cake at chloes later. it was just a good night for me to be eating. I was so tired though and came home at like 1230 and just passed out till like 1 today. I got up real early the past few days before that and it is catching up to me, plus i think i am getting sick, cuz i feel very weird .
It was so warm yesterday, it made me get in the mood for summer! which is sooo soon. What, we havet o go though march april and may and thats it! were almost halfway done schools wise with march..wel kinda, and then wow! im getting so old...haha
wel alright im out, im not looking foward to school tomorrow, but maybe i should start some homework, or go back to sleep, whatever. PEACE
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| Subject: | DRAMA |
| Time: | 9:58 am. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | old school destinys child. |
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isnt it funny how i just wrote a whole entry about how i have zero drama in my life...and now this one is titled drama. last night was just redik, i donno if it was just me who feels this way but i had a horrible night, yet it was hella fun at the same time. i got pissed yet i was having a great time. we were all drinkin and chillin until a fight kinda happened, i was just watching, and then i got really pissed off, and i finally talked to ashley about everything that has been happening, and then im supposedly a "little girl" in how i act, which is total bullshit from this kids point of view who doesnt even know me or what im all about. i am not one of those girls who automatically thinks something is going on, and some of you may be reading this and think of a few instances in which i was wrong about what really was going on, but i only think things like that when the boy is fucking saying things like "i wish i was with you, im afraid you're not interested" and oh dont worry "happy valentines day" at 745 in the morning. i mean, sorry that i take that the wrong way ?? who the hell knows, its just another instance where i get looked down upon for thinking something was there when it wasnt..even though a week ago when i said the same thing, according to him "it's there". here i go again ranting about boys, who are fucking drunk and tryin to get loud with me. i dont get it, they are stupid, i dont want a relationship, but i dont want to be one of many. id rather just chill. and i mean what do you think, i would actually want a relationship when im going half way across the country in 5 months for school?? please. i would never want to go to school with a boyfriend. but while im home, yea i would like to have a good tiem, and it would be nice to have someone kinda on the side, like the rest of my friends have like 5 guys they talk to on a regular basis.
i guess i just cant do that, when i like one person, i like them, and dont really like multiple people at once. that or there aren't multiple people to like. so maybe it seems as those im trying to "wife" someone when really im not. but god damn i get rejected by a 16, 18, and 20 year old in 6 months. DAMN! i must be that bad....
okay on an update of anything but my boy life. i died my hair this weekend! EEK its kinda brown and red...i like it, chrissy hates it, and let me know that. ashley and meghan and everyone else loves it though, so chrissy, yea.
umm lets see...we dont have school tomorrow, but really im not even in the mood to go out right now. maybe its just cuz last night was just really intense and i was up on the phone till like 230 and got up this morning at 730 and i have already gone out to breakfast.
and PROM what is a girl to do about that. we all want to find dates asap, but doesnt anyone realize noone likes me! i dont know if it is becasue there is something really unattractive or unappealing about me that just turns guys off or because guys think im a bitch and going to reject them. either way, i would like to know.
im so tired of ranting and raving, last night was stupid, i never wnat to talk to this boy again, yet as ashley said "im not gunna lie ill prolly still get iwth him"...which is how i feel too. but i think sicne me and her are best friends, shouldnt we be able to find a coniving way to play the shit out of him...hmm...ill go google it..."ill see ya when i see ya" ( i am so lame)
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Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
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well i havent wrote in a while, so i figured im due...well i was in arizona this weekend, vising my school, which if you have come in to contact with me in the last 24 hours you already know, that i loved it. i am going there for sure next year, i even got the blessing from my parents. i cant wait. only like 167 days till i leave. so close yet so far. what is close those is cancun, that is 24 days away. 24. what the hell, thats like nothing. i cant think about it though cuz then ill get excited, and i cant get excited till im actually on the plane and leaving YEY
until then though i just feel like chilling, i dont really care to go out and have fun, i mean i do have fun, but i feel as though there is no point to any of it. i mean i love my friends and i can just have fun with them just chillin, so i think thats my goal till college.."just chill"
oh and that reminds me, i gotta get together 10 pictures for senior edition, its what ive been waiting for since freshman year :) haha how lame am i . real lame.
anyway, i realize i dont have much to talk about, i have absolutely NO drama in my life. this is like the first time...ever. i dont care about one single person that im not friends with. so its like, even if people do tlak about me or something, THANKS glad i deserve a lil time in someones life..must be doing something right. haha
anyway so i guess that just ruins this whole journal business, not having anything to talk about ya know?
i gotta think of something...hmm...
wel i was pretty lonely last night, i dont understand how i cant find one single person to even have a crush on. all i want is to like soemoen, which just proves that all i want is the chase.
basketball game friday, i hope we play marian, as nicole has already said.
i worked tonight, and it was so not busy at all...no work until saturday, cuz tomorrow is chrisoophers big night with his play! and then friday who knows what ill do and saturday im getting my hair redone fINALLY. maybe ill fianlly be pretty and get a guy...doubtful, hmm oh well
am i not very interesting? well i know according to this im not, but some kid told soemoen today that im not interesting im just good to look at..thats really rude and i was not happy with that.
but then i realize how much i really dont care, becasue going to my future school REALLY made me not want to come back to high school. there is no point. i dont even open my bookbag anymore. we need to start having senior nights, where we go out and shit. megan and i were saying movie night mondays where the theatre is only like 5 bucks or something? whos down? i also suggested cocktail tuesdays...which i think will fly over well with some of us fun loving girls. okay well its been about 3 minutes and my hand hurts so im out PEACE
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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
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I am really really really upset right now...and i have no reason to be. Well..i do, but its totally my own stupid self thinking this. First off, im really tired, and have a lot of homework, but wont be getting that done so fuck it, fuck school, fuck everything. you think someone is ur best friend for so long, and that things could never get between you, well you're wrong, nothing lasts forever, not even the relationships that meant the most to you at some point in time.
So i have this grude. its against a girl who used to be the only thing in the world i could count on...she was my sister, my best friend, her family was mine, and i was never afraid to call her up. now, im surprised if i even know her number. chloe.
yes this entry is all about chloe, for months, we have been drifing apart, i even sent her a letter in the beginning of the year, and i didnt ask for a response, but a simple notion that she got it would have been nice...ashleigh was the only person i told about it..and lil by lil i feel like im loseing her too..
It is my fault, wel thats what she thinks, although i cant have all the blame. okay so i made a mistake in florida, my best friend takes me on vacation with her and i dont even have the deceny to be with her. what was i thinking. okay im stupid, i know thats my fault. and i have been badmouthing her , becasue i am extremly bitter. and that is the whole reason we got in a fight in the fist place. except this tiem, she wont be running back to me because she has jake, shell always have jake..and shell claim i dont know what its like to love someone, well i love my friends, and apparently its not the same thing.
i was just upstrars talking with megan and i told chip i would come to his pictures and i asked where they were at..he replied with at the langefelds, i said "oh ill definitaly go then" thinking of course its like my second home..but then i was transported in to reality, when megan said "why you hate chloe, and she hates you too". I dont hate chloe, i may act like it and say things that make it seem that way, but im only just upset. I mean i dont understand how things could change so much. It couldnt have alll been florida, because we were at least talking after that..
the other night i was in hinsdale and soemone though my name was chloe becasue he saw a picture of me and her at matt dobrez's house, and i said no im not chloe but she is my best friend...it was such habit. but the truth is, shes not my best friend anymore. if i called her up i wouldnt have one thing to say to her.
maybe sorry. maybe apologize for my bitterness. but i cant do it, becasue i have apologized for my part and its not going to change anything.
at one point i would blame this on jake, i didnt want her to be with jake becasue i knew this would happen, but its not his fault, he loves her and she loves him, he cant be balemd for it. im not bitter towards him anymore, i am bitter towards change.
I dont hate her. I loved her as my best friend, someone i could always count on.
and i miss her. and if she hates me for talking bad about her..then so be it, becasue if she doesnt feel the same sadness that sometimes aka now, comes over me, then i guess our friendship didnt mean that much..i mean after all they do say a friendship capable of ending was never there to begin with.
Maybe chloe is right, i dont know what it is like to have a boyfriend, but i sure as hell know how to love someone, and i loved chloe as my best friend. we had so much fun when we were together, and for a long time she was all i had...and i know that she felt the same towards me. Maybe thats what hurt me the most..im not what she needs anymore, jake is, or anyone. It was nice to have some sort of secuirty, someone to fall back on, but i lost that. I lost her. I am almost in tears right now and i dont know why. I want to go back in time, but i cant.....
im sorry.
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Monday, February 21st, 2005
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hey whats up. i just got back from visitng my friend who i met in italy. she lives in hinsdale. we get there and have a few beers. my kind of town. and then go to this kids house which is HUGE i mean like full court basketball court in his basement. no joke. and then the cops come cuz there wqere literally 150 people there, and they come and everyone is freaking out. also the kids there, i bet 92% of the people there were attractive. it was rediculious, the guys, abercronbie models, and the girls cute skinny lil aww so pretty i was so out of place. well whatever so everyone is freaking and me and megan are just like uhh yea okay. so we leave and then go to this other kids house, and i was playing some beer pong and then flippy cup with the guys, it was my friend saras birthday at midnite so we celebrated that. then i went to go smoke with these two fine ass guys and the kids house we were at. this one kid had a girlfriend, but he failed to mention that to me, and the other hot one had to leave. so im high as fuck and im just chillin on the couch and people were just mkaing fun of me and it was redik, but it was so fun, and i just analyzed the kids there, and as much as i would want to go to a school llike that, i wouldnt, cuz were a lot more diverse.
anyway yesterday before i went there i was at woodfield hsppping with my mom and sister, i love shopping, and i got hella clothes, mostly for cancun and then some work clothes and just some clothes cuz i needed em. now i am at home and have to go clean my room and then chill and do homework. fun day. im going to arizona on saturday and then i have another 4 day weekend cuz i wont be back until tuesdya. and i had a 4 day weekend this week. hell yea, but school is tomorrow, thats bummy. well ill write back later when im not feeling so weird.
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Saturday, February 19th, 2005
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wow i havent written in here in a quick minute, but i decided maybe i should update. well last time i wrote i think i said i was going on a diet...that lasted for all of a day...yeah whatevr fuck that, ill look however i want and people can think im fat if they want...anyway im nt gunna go trhough the whle 2 weeks i missed, but last weekend was fun, we went to elmhurst and yeah thats all ill say about that. saturday was okay i think acutally i dont even remember what i did. oh i idnt go out, i forgot. ive been trying to chill with this one kid for like a month now, but nothing ever happens, i think im just too sturburn(?), but oh well.
i got in to maryland yesterday...i dont know about all that, i didnt thnk i would get in and then i did and now my dad wants me to go there real bad. ill decide after i go look at arizona, im going in a week. YES! and then cancun is a lil over a month away.
Last night was fun, i got wasted whats new. we were dancing hella, and just having a good time. and then i wenthome and dont worry my mom knew i was drinking. but she was strait about it becasue my dad wasnt home. anyway, this morning i feel like absolute shit, and i feel bad about myself cuz i have a problem sending text messages..i need to go get help haha. anyway, have to work tonight, i feel so shitty and i dont want to do it. but whatever ill survive. until next time...
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Sunday, February 6th, 2005
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today is super bowl sunday, how bout it. granted i couldnt even tell you who is playing in the game tonight, i do know that whatever i do im about to max on hella food, and then start my diet tomorrow. Im sick of the way i have been looking lately. Not to say i think im "fat" or anything under those lines, i just havent been taking care of myself, so operation get rachael to look normal again starts tomorrow. Im starting to eat right, that doesnt mean i cant snack, but just not as much as i did before. For example, if i had 3 pieces of cake after school...which was my "snack" every day after school last week...i would have no cake, and maybe some chips. Ya know, it sounds a lil better. Also, i want to start working out. Not hard core or nothing, cuz god knows that i could do that, but just start slow, i have to start getting in shape for cancun. AH
How bout this weekend huh? general consesus is that it SUCKED. i know my friends who went to elmhurst would not agree, but while they were there being the drunks they are, i was home at 11 o clock, almost sleeping in my bed.it was not cool. And then dont worry last night i thought maybe i would do something fun. Well i got off work at 10:45, dont worry it was the worst night of work ever. I got in to it with my manager and just about walked out. i dont know how much longer i can deal with that place...but i guess whats another 4 months when ive been there for 26 months already.
After work i went to chrissys and we sat there trying to figure out what to do...finally i got a slurpee and then we went to chases, that was okay. I mean we were there for all of like 20 min. And then we went back to chrissys and i slept there. I soon remembered why i had the ringer "bug a boo" for chase...
Anyway, so i fell asleep pretyt early, prolly by 1:30, and then i was awoken by my phone ringing at 5:15 this morning.
i dont even know what that was about...
but anyway i have a lot more to write but my dad is tryin to tell me i need to clean my room or some shit, and then i have to go to church at 12..ugh fuck that.
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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
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This weekend is going to suck. I already know it. I want to do something *different* something fun and exciting and itll be the same damn thing that it is everyweekend...im going to start staying home and watching movies all night if this keeps up.
I dont know what made me think this but i know for sure, WHATEVER
I had to work tonight, why do i fricken have to work, i hate work. I hate school, i have so much homework. I cant wait for the summer. I love summer. It's the best...being tan...chillin all day at the pool..who could ask for anything better??
Well im done, i have school and work again tomorrow what a great combination. I might as well work on friday cuz lord knows i wont do what i wanna do...if you know what i mean.just kidding lil humor
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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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I dont really have much to say becasue im boring but a few things on my mind...
i dont think my parents want me to go to arizona, they keep telling me to wait to hear from the last two schools thta im waiting on, maryland and wisconsin, and ever since i got in to u of i my dad wont shut up about it. How come they dont get it that i HATE IT HERE! the only thing i have ever wanted to do since i moved here was leave...my sister went through the same thing, and look at her, home 3 times a year, and the only reason she would come home is to see her boyfriend, which i am without, so i think ill be strait.
Them talking about it constantly makes me second guess my decision, but i dont care, once i visit there ill know for sure...until then, they need to keep their damn mouths shut. Becuase if i dont like it there, no way in hell they will take me to go see maryland, and then wont let me go there cuz i havent seen it, and then ill be screwed and stuck at like u of i or iu or something. GOD
Secondly, i have so much homework and work to do, and i dont even know why i do it. There is no point. and on that subject, why do i even get dressed up for school, its so pointless, theres noone there i need to impress.
And lastly, why am i still dwelling and saying i want a boyfriend. I dont want a boyfriend, if i did, i would have one. I go for the guys i can never get on purpose. I just wish someday someone will shake me and tell me i need to quit it and i can be "loved" or liked..whatever. because sometimes i refuse to believe it...
Im waiting for dinner...and then homework time GREAT
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Thursday, January 27th, 2005
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Well i just got off work and figure i can squeeze in a lil time with the journal before i start my homework.
I dont have much to say, i hate work, it was relaly boring tonight, but then again that can be fun becasue then i just hang out in the back and eat all the food :) i brought home 2 pieces of cake that im about to max on IM SO HUGE but its okay, becasue..well i donno, its not but i dont care oops
Oh so ps. i dont like mr keegan, well i love him but..hes making me take a test over becasue i supposedly took the wrong one, how stupid can i be?? at least it wasnt just me..chloe and ashley a have to do it too but it takes like an hour and a half and i have to do it tomorrow after shcool and that was the day i was suppossed to come home and sleep. I guess it really doesnt matter though becasue the only person really to hang out with tomorrow is ashleigh, well carrie and chloe are available too so thats not too bad, i love them all.
ANYWAY i dont know what we are going to do tommorrow night, we usually wonnt know anything toill well...it happens, i wanna see someone though but i dont think thatll happen
I am soo tired becasue i was up till like 1 lsat night becasue someone called me at like 11:30 and i had no idea who it was and the message was just a bunch of boys talking, so i tried to figure out who it was, and i came to the conclusion of...well..thats for me to know and you to find out
Anyway..im so glad its the weekend becasue i really dislike school, my favorite class is calculus, how big of a dork can i be??
by the way..none of us are going to turnabout..its kind of sad becasue i havent missed a dance yet..but..well that is likely to change, ill prolly end up going just like a did for homecoming, which by the way WAS A BLAST. well okay my hands hurt and i have homework and sleep to do so ill write about my weekend after it happens GOODNITE
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Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
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Okay so let me start off by saying i am not as "enraged" as i was during my lil episode last night...i had just heard something that set me off..thats all...but its all worked out now, and i found out i had nothing to worry about in the first place..
Secondly, i dont know why i get upset over the littlest things..i know ill find someone for me eventually, im just way too hard on myself cuz i go for..well how do i say it..people that i shouldnt be going for.
But on another note...i went to the mall today, but didnt buy anything..thats a first..i really am working on this saving money routine, im not a millionaire, but i think ill be okay for cancun, which is in 2 months and 2 days..wow why cant it be tomorrow? and then why cant college be the day after i get back?? that would be especially key. But its not so im just gunna live life one day at a time...
Speaking of, my dad isnt taking me to Arizona for a while now..i dont know what his problem is, i think he doesnt want me going far away so he thinks if i dont go see hte school i wont go there...THINK AGAIN, becasue i am about 90% sure that is where i will be next year at this time typing away in this journal thing cuz thats the kind of weirdo that i am..but i like it like that:)
PS i HATE my film class..i wanna drop it so bad...but actually its kind of interesting nad the only reason i want to drop it is becasue my friends told this kid in there that i like him..and i think his girlfriend is in the class..and now they just look at me and laugh at me..its so embarassing AHH but i guess its not worth making a counselors appointment...haha i am sooo lazy..
Im really excited for this weekend...friday mostyly, cuz i dont have to work. Chances are we arent going to do anything fun at all, but maybe ill get to see my crush haha prolly not, but a girl can hope right?? if not, ill prolly end up watching movies or something with ashleigh, cuz chrissyw ill want to be with her boy toy, although ill miss her greatly, and then ashley and meghan will be out of town, carrie i dont know if she has to work?!? coutnry and tiff are always unpredictable, and megan is grounded..and chloe well i donno..sooo haha we'll see what happens, i dont really care though.
oh yeah ONE TREE HILL was on tonight. i love that show soo much, its so complicated, but it makes my life look less complicated than i make it.. its just such a good show and will forever be my favorite...with the OC trailing behind it. Oh shit i remembered i have fuckin film homework, so maybe i should get on that shit cuz i hate that class anyway. BLAH talk to ya prolly not till this weekend cuz i got work the next two days. oh great!
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Monday, January 24th, 2005
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I am in such a sad mood..first of all my dad is redick, he wont let me go sledding with my friends becasue its a school night! What the hell..i would have been home before 9:30, and i fuckin work later than that. He never has any justification for his demands, i am so upset at him.
Secondly, i always get fucking screwed over by guys. maybe i just like all the wrong guys but every guy i have been with in the past...whether its just getting up, or actually being with the person...they realize how much they liked the person they were with before me and its like im a fuckin stepping stone for them, they look at my faults and relize what they had before they got stuck with me :( IM SO SAD. I know this isnt anything to be sad about but it happened...AGAIN, he wants her..he doesn't want me..i was used i hate boys i hate some girls and there has to be something wrong with me. so here, if you read this, reply and let me know what the fuck is wrong with me cuz there has to be...GOD i just like a person finally and no this sucks im sad. chrissy thinks im crazy typing away frantically but i cant help it...god..3 day rule right?? haha no we'll make it the weekend rule
we were suppossed to drink tonight and then i could have called him but no i have to stay in. good thing cuz i cant like him anyway. goes against rules of friendship, but it just makes me realize how noone i ever want to be with will work out. Oh wait, i forgot. thats my life, i dont get anything i want
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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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SO for the second sunday in a row...i am tired beyond belief. Unlike last week though , i didnt spend the weekend at northern, i was at ashleighs, having a "slumber party" with the girls...it was sooo much fun. Well actually it wasnt anything different than any other weekend...but you know when you mix alcohol with me = fun. So..it was fun.
Only me ashleigh ashley and chrissy slept there...well ashleigh obviously. I didnt go to bed till like 6:30, and then i slept on the fricken ground!! and then ashleigh comes in at 8 in the morning starting to clean before she goes to work, so i get up and im just dying, but then she went to work and me and chrissy and ashley went out to breakfast with all ashleighs brothers friends, it was the most entertaining meal ive had in a while..those kids are hilarious!!
well obviously i dont want to go to school tomorrow, but my one incentive is that i dont have to work after school...for the first time. I am so glad i dont have work for 3 days, and then i only have 2 days and then a day off and then one day...haha it makes it sound better that way...
so i kinda have a new crush...but of course it wouldnt work out anyway, so thats why hes my crush, obviously, did we forget who i am. its ok though maybe hell call me one day...or maybe not..either way i can still pretend that i talk to him..haha im such a LAME
Well..my mom is bringing home chinese, and i hate chinese so i have to go find something for me to eat and then do my homework which i have been saying i was going to do all day...but instead i tried to fall asleep but couldnt stop thinking, am i weird or am i weird?? alright peace out
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Friday, January 21st, 2005
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ONE more day that i have to work...ive been wokring everyday this week so far its been hell, i havent even been able to update my livejournal omg! anyway..i worked tonight and got a funny phone call about oh odnt worry..my dad caught my sister having people over drinking! shes in some shit..and now everyone is afraid to come to my house...GREAT. thank the lord i wasnt there and i was at work..
PS. lets talk about school this week, i got my final grades back..i am soo smart!! haha just kidding, but i did better this semester than any other time in high school, so pretyt much im an idiot and wait until im a senior..WAY TO GO RACH. its okay though, im proud of myself. I got a b on my econ final which made me get a b in the class. WOW and calc was amazing, i got a 102 on my final. that is raw as hell. anyway. enough about school, i hate this semeter my schedule sucks cuz all my classes are everywhere but its okay. I dont like film class ps but ill live, i like to make movies :)
so tongiht after work i went to chrissys and sat with all the girls, it was fun, and ill second nicole in saying im glad we call get along now, and i wish it would have been like this before but we all well mostly me make stupid mistakes and im just an idiot sometimes but ya know what thats over and we just need to forget..and im happy now :) no boys to worry about juts having fun with these girls until we all go away to school.
Speaking of, im going to university of Arizona, i decided that this week since its sooo cold here. I think im going there next week to visit or in like a month. Whichever works out better for my daddy who will take me. I might leave thursday though which is so soon and would be so fun.
Tomorrow ashleigh ish aving a costume party at her house. Of course i have to work, but ill go after, and maybe ill ask my mom if i can sleep there. Ill use some excuse like its relaly snowy out so i cant drive home, cuz im not trying to come home after i have been drinking, that would be a BAD call. at least chrissy is working with me tomorrow.
Chrissy also has to work at AF in the morning, so i think me and faye and nicole are gunna go visit her and get introduced to the hella hot guys that work there, maybe ill find my love match there...haha or maybe not.
I dont really know what else to say, my life has been getting pretty boring lately hmm oh well..second semester seniors bitches!! what now. haha well im out, ill holler at this piece tomorrow or something when i get a chance lata batas
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Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
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| Subject: | AHH |
| Time: | 4:28 pm. |
| Mood: |  hungry. | | Music: | nelly - on the grind. |
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I just about hate myself right about now...not really...but my mouth is all numb, cuz i had to get a cavity filled. I hate the dentist. Actually i hate all doctors, and to make this the offical best day of my life, i had to go to the real doctor today cuz turns out i was fuckin allergic to my antibiotics i was on for my diseases 2 weeks ago, and now i have a huge rash all over my body! HOT huh?? i know you all think so..its itchy, especially on my hands, and i just want to cry. But..i wont, cuz i cant move my left side of my face, and IM STARVING. my mom is making my favoirte dinner tonight and if i cant eat it im gunna go off!! then im going over to chrissys in a lil bit for a meeting for turnabout WOO HOO..aka we need to decided if were going and with who, i personally have no deisre to..but ill just go with the flow like always..you know..
I havent gone out really the past two nights, i was at kevins for a lil on sunday night but i was extremely tired from saturday night..and then last night i saw coach carter, which was SOO good and the only white guy in it, his name is Channing Tatum, he is extremely fine, im gunna get him, except i think hes gay, and me looking in the mirror at myself today does not make me think i can change anyones mind. oh well though..this has not been a good month so far, well actually it has but not concerning my health. Well im gunna go finish cleaning my room and getting ready for the beginning of second semester!! WHAT WHAT and then eat (hopefully i can) and go figure out my turnabout situation soo ill write back at another point in time, which will prolly be like next sunday because i have to work wed thurs fri and sat..wow.
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rai73's journal
cranky.
sick.
blah.